Why did the Scout cross the road? To bat for the other side.

Today I stumbled upon a list of today’s most intriguing people. On this list was a gentleman called Jon Langbert. This guy is gay. No really. He’s homosexual – he likes ‘smoking pole’. He also has a son.

You might be thinking of my choice of words and now thinking that I’m a douchebag. Well… you’re right, but at the same time so very wrong. I have nothing against the homodelectuals, in fact I have friends who are gay and they’re a lot of fun to hang out with, and I find them to be of the same quality of person as any of my other straight friends. So stop steaming out of your ears because this isn’t an anti-gay protest. It’s an anti-discrimination protest.

If you don’t want to read the small excerpt on CNN’s Today’s Most Intriguing People (link below), I’ll sum it up for you: The Boy Scouts of America (BSA) have told Jon that he’s not allowed to be a Scout leader because he is gay. They have also said that his son can not wear his leadership badge – suspectedly because his dad bats for the other team. I’m sorry – on what planet does this have anything to do with their effectiveness or suitability as a Scout?

What I don’t get is the nerve that people can possess to suddenly discriminate because of a sexual choice. Apparently, the courts ruled that BSA are allowed to have a rule to exclude gays and atheists from the Scouts. What the fuck does being homosexual or a free-minded rational thinking intellectual human being have to do with it.

So let me get this straight; Scouts learn how to tie knots and wear pretty ribbons around their neck. That’s bordering gay. If I were to get dressed now, and tie a bow around my neck, prance down to the bar and use pickup lines such as “Hey, wanna come back to my place? I can tie you to the bed with a double hitch…”, the only way this would work is if my target was a dude, wearing a tight pale blue top with rolled up jean shorts and chucks with no socks. They’re practically practicing what they are preaching against.

Speaking of preaching, what’s the point in BSA teaching Scouts the value of topics such as Science if they’re such avid ‘creationists’? ‘Scout Survival Tip 256: If you come face to face with a Bear whilst camping, pray to the Almighty Lord and if you are found worthy, he will give the Bear a tumor’. Being an Atheist is beneficial to being a Scout. It proves you are a rational human being capable of excluding nonsensical bullshit such as believing metaphysical imaginary beings are in direct control of what happens to you. I’m not saying the BSA association is founded on religious principles but there’s only one alternative to Atheism, and that’s Creationism.

The reason why this is so hypocritical is because of the attitude of the most exclusion-based group – creationists. They consistently preach that their fact-less and entirely unproven theory of creation (the world was ‘built’ <10000 years ago) is not only a theory to believe, but the right one out of many. If you disagree – you are looked down upon as an outsider, unwelcome and evil. No really, us atheists are ‘evil’! We are warmongering lunatics, rapists, crazy mass-murderers and bad cooks. Correct me if I’m wrong, but 1) Religion is the largest cause of human death in history. 2) Not everyone’s an NRL footballer. 3) We don’t believe in an imaginary Dad – who’s crazy now? and 4) We know the difference between crackers and human flesh. Oh and I make a mean Risotto.

There is nothing wrong with alternate sexualities (P.S. Lesbians, I love your work) and being a good sport and growing as a person (Scout’s honour!) has nothing to do with beliefs.

So discriminating on sexuality and faith… Come on… Seriously?

CNN’s Todays Intruiging People

AFL Grand Final… again?

A couple of fine weekends ago, it was a magical day for sport enthusiasts. It just so happened to be the day of one of if not the largest sporting event in south-eastern Australia: The AFL 2010 Grand Final between the Collingwood ‘Magpies’ and the St Kilda ‘Saints’.

Now, everybody enjoys a good sporting event as much as they do a good _insert personal favourite pass-time_. Personally, I hate AFL. I think it’s one of the worst sports in the world with no real on-field organization, and it really fits with the saying “a bunch of Neanderthals beating the shit out of each other over a piece of pig leather”. The ruckus that ensues after the initial ‘bounce’ is disgraceful even for those with a clear lack of coordination – see Cerebral Palsy. But that argument is for later… my gripe is with the way the official Grand Final(s) were played out.

Put the following picture in your head (unless you’ve got a picture of Megan Fox making out with Scarlet Johannsen – cause in that case, don’t ruin it): You’ve kept your weekend clear. You postponed the family reunion, and you cancelled your dog’s vasectomy. The lawn will NOT be mowed this weekend. This 48 hour time slot is for the preparation, enjoyment and recovery from what will be ‘Your Team’s Grand Fucking Final. The one, the only, the _insert team mascot species here_! This weekend your club will lift the legendary time honoured silverware with true passion… OR… you will cry, and hurt as you watch with sympathy and empathy for your club. You know your work colleagues will poke you for weeks and months to come. The off-season will be filled with anguish and pain that only your fellow club fan mates understand.

Well, guess what? That’s not going to happen, no fucking way. Cause here, down in redneck central, we’re going to pretend that the game never happened; See you next week!

My first major ball-breaker issue here is: in what messed up realm does any Final of any magnitude end in a draw? On what God forsaken planet can a sport finish with neither the triumph of victory, nor the heartache of defeat? You have got to be kidding me!

My second major testicle-masher issue is: How disgraceful – no matter how ridiculous the sport is in the first place – do you have to be as the director of a sport federation / association / whatever to make the call to then abuse this outrageous rule and make even more money than no man ever deserves. Let me break that down for you – because that was a hell of a mouthful.

What kind of a douche bag do you have to be as director to demand that these loyal fans and enthusiastic spectators purchase already overpriced and impossibly difficult to obtain tickets for a second time. What about those families with kids that have sport literally fused to their bones. They have a football stitched into their palms and they’ve scratched their team’s logo into the scab. These kids look up to these football stars as idols and then better themselves and their lifestyle by following in their footsteps of greatness. What if hard-working Dad had to save up all year to afford to take his big Magpie or Saints fan son to the Grand Final to have him forever remember the feeling of the aforementioned glory / horrible crushing sensation of defeat?

The way I see it, any body that was lucky / fortunate / diligent enough to obtain tickets to the first AFL 2010 Grand Final, should have their tickets valid for the next week’s showing. But instead, these greedy shit stains up in the corporate box are so happy with the draw, as they’ll be rolling in their shitty cash in the millions.

The purpose of those tickets was to watch your team lift the cup, or to regretfully watch your opponents do it. You (probably) paid money for this feeling, good or bad, and due to a great-game-to-watch draw, you won’t get to experience it. The effort you put in during the game to cheer and barrack for your team or player has been completely put to waste, because guess what? Some other random and quite possibly less-interested geezer is going to have your seat. Might even be one of those annoying fat bastards who contributed to 4 or 5 of those 60,000 meat pies sold on the day.

Putting all these factors together, all I can say is…

Come on… Seriously? Two Grand Finals?….

Statement of Warning

Just let me get the following out of the way:

“FIRST!!”

Ahem…

Now that that’s done, I’ll begin by saying hello and welcome to my first web log, and my first post ever.

I understand that a total of 0 people are going to end up reading this blog. The way I figure is that lets say that this appears on the monitors of – for example’s sake – 100 internet users.

We can begin by assuming that this number contains probably 80% average users, so 80 of them are typical internet foregoers. Out of these 80, at least 10 are looking at or searching for porn. So I’m down to 90.

I am going to knock off another 10 users for they are simply not interested in what others have to say, and it will click on a Google Ad that interests them, like “20% Venetian Blinds”. Down to 80.

Then we have the women (lets say half of the remaining) looking to purchase shoes from Zappo’s or something, or using E-bay to find cheap Gucci knock-offs. Maybe 1 or 2 will click (good chance by accident) on my WordPress page.

By using some incredible skills of deduction, the other 40 (have you been following?) of the men will be geeks or douchebags… So they’re either searching for “starcraft 3 release date” or “how to build abs like Adonis”.

So let’s consider what I have left. 1 maybe 2 women remaining on my page.

Find me one woman interested in what a man has to say, and I’ll buy shares in soft kitchen floors – just to play it forward.

So with my audience similar to that of a Caber-toss Event in Baghdad, it actually suits me well in some regards…

I plan on unleashing hell from my dual barrel cannon of politician incorrectness, dousing this blog with my opinions and lighting it with the fire of offensiveness.

So come on… Seriously… Can you smell something burning?..